The Fail Series
by ANIMELOVEDOLL
Summary: This is going to be a bunch of fail stories. They each have nothing to do with each other, other than they all have a fail moment. Roy/Ed yaoi - please no flames. :D That's it, I warned ya'.


Ed was positioned at his desk just a few feet away. They had been exchanging glances between each other and the clock for some time. Ed propped his elbow on his rolling chair's arm and continued on with his reading, or that's what he was pretending to do. Roy was getting hot and uncomfortable. The thought that he was just a half hour away from getting Edward alone was driving him towards madness. The hands on the clock moved at an aggravatingly slow rate. Roy gave in to his frustration and sighed, slamming his forehead in to the desk. Edward chuckled at his childish act and thanked the Gate that he wasn't the one to cave first. Finally, the clock struck the hour and both men flew to get their things. They practically raced to the car, but being the gentleman Roy was, he opened the vehicle door to the passenger side for Ed and after he was safely in his seat, Roy joined him.

"Guess what baby." Roy leaned over to steal a kiss from Edward's lips.

"What?" His voice was rash from sloppy tongue play. Roy leaned over him to grab a seat belt and lock it in to place.

"When we get home… I'm going to do naughty things to you." His sentence was cut in half by a partial make out session.

"Mm, that sounds nice." Ed pulled backwards and quirked his eyebrows in a way that was, no doubt, suggestive. Roy turned the key and revved the engine. His shiny black Mustang rolled off the lot and out in to the street. He didn't lower a gear one time on the way to their brick house. Edward laughed as the slick car bounced over hills and raced around steep corners. Roy slowed to a stop in their residence and pulled his blonde companion up to meet his giddy grin.

"Hey Baby, why don't we wash the car and try out that new bathing suit you've been dying to wear since last winter." Roy's proposal was something he didn't have to think twice about. Ed laid a finger on his chin and bit his lip in a sexy invitation.

"Well, I'll go get ready if you wanna' stay out here and… get the soap just right." He leant to whisper the second part in his lover's ear, giving it a good long lick.

"Whatever you say, Baby." Roy sat back in his leather chair and watched Ed run through the door. With a final wave, Edward disappeared in to their quarters. Roy got out of the car and lowered the garage entrance so the neighbors wouldn't be able to see them dabble in their sensual acts. Roy took out the hose and two buckets, feeling them with soapy, warm water. The dark featured man stripped down to his boxers and rolled up the windows to his shiny speed demon.

"How do I look, Daddy?" Ed posed in the door way, two towels dangling from his hand. The said bathing suit was a strapless one piece, but it was hardly classified as such. A thin piece of fabric ran down over his tiny nipples and straight through his legs to cover nothing, but his penis, which at this point, there was no hiding and then came up in the back as a thong. It tied in four places on his sides and he topped it off with a pair of impossible sex heels; Roy had no idea from where they came. He made his descent on the few steps that kept him from Roy. Sex heels or not, it made no difference; he walked like a super model in anything.

"Hot damn, you are one sexy bitch." Suddenly his lips were dry; he licked them and watched his fiery blonde prance towards him. Roy couldn't help at noticing how Edward's tiny balls gently shifted as he took a step. His pulse was at an outrageous rate. Before he knew it, Ed had taken a sponge from one of the buckets and pushed himself flush up against his car. Roy swallowed and looked down. His happy friend in the south was poking against his boxer shorts fabric. Edward stopped and gently slid off the hood of the Mustang. He dropped to his knees in front of Roy, who had been merely inches away, and reached out to boldly fool around with his stiff member.

"Why didn't you tell me you wanted to play?" Edward's innocent voice sent a burst of lightening through Roy's cock. The reaction made his penis twitch and that was easily noticed by Ed.

"You look just like a little girl." Roy said before reaching down to grab Ed's hair.

"You're so perverted, Daddy. I think I am, too." Edward lifted his legs in the air to show Roy the battle going on inside his bathing suit. His cock was weeping with pre-cum and fighting against the tight material for release.

"Oh, looks like I'm gonna' have to do something about that." He picked up the smaller adult and placed him on top of the sporty car. He went to gently remove Edward' clothes, or cloth, whatever sounds better; and peeled it back until it was past his nipples.

"Look at that Baby; their so firm." He tweaked one with his thumb and leant down to kiss it. His tongue couldn't resist the temptation to branch out from his mouth and swirl around it slowly.

"Let's take this to the back seat." Ed's velvet suggestion was given not a thought and he was, once again, hoisted upward and thrown on to the leather abode.

"Not so rough, you might break me." His dirty words were like ignition for Roy. Ed whined as Roy fondled his petite testicles and nudged his nose against his inner thigh. Roy's index finger found its way behind Ed's suit and pulled it back to free it with a sounding 'pop'.

"Look at that, Baby, you're so hard… who could have possibly done this to you?" Roy retorted in a sarcastic and amused tone. Before Edward could continue with their erotic sense of humor, Roy bent forward to lay a kiss on Ed's tip. He couldn't resist a loud moan. Abruptly, the garage door rolled upward.

"HAPPY BIRTHDAY ROY!" This quickly followed after the door opened. Roy jumped from the passenger door, which he was standing in pleasuring Edward, and bumped his head on the roof of the car. Everyone was clapping until they saw the situation.

"Ed?" Havoc called from the crowd. Riza was holding a Birthday cake with about a hundred candles on it. The group spying on them in a private moment consisted of: Alphonse, Winry, Gracia, Maes, and the aforementioned Riza and Havoc. Roy did his best at trying to explain as Ed attempted to hide his private parts from the shocked mob. He growled as someone took a photo.

"Ha ha. Yeah, that one's going in the family album." Maes Hughes laughed flapping the card back and forth until the image started to show up. Ed inched towards where he had discarded the towels, grabbed one, and threw the other at Roy.

"Get the fuck out!" Ed was downright pissed. He was shouting profanities to everyone as he rushed through the mass of people to get to the front door as fast as his high heels would let him. Maes snapped another photo as Ed tried to cover his almost naked ass.

"Oh, fail." Roy muttered as he wrapped the towel around his hips. Everyone was following him, asking questions, not getting answers. He let everybody in to the house and went to find his lover who was most likely hiding from the embarrassment. He checked his room and was relieved to discover Ed there pulling on his clothes and tying his hair back.

"It's not that bad, Baby." He said dropping the towel on the floor and walking to their dresser.

"How is this not bad Roy? I was caught acting like a slut and I was dressed like a stripper while I was doing it." He sighed and pushed his bangs behind his ears.

"Aw, it happens. We were bound to get caught sooner or later. I mean, we have been flaunting it lately." Roy pulled up a pair of khakis and put on some socks.

"Winry and Alphonse are gonna' give me one hell of a bitching. They'll probably be like 'Edward- how could you' and 'I can't believe you're gay' and bam, bam 'We're gonna' have a total wrench fest'. I can't stand that bitch and Al just nags all the time." Ed sighed after his mock performance and waited for Roy to say something. He turned to find an outstretched hand and a smirk.

"Come on. We got to go down there and get this stupid party over with. I'm sure no one will give flack about it. Everyone has done stuff their not proud of." Roy's voice was comforting to Ed. He took his hand and they walked to the living room where they were all waiting. The cake had been set on the coffee table.

"Hey, I just have one question," their groupies turned to listen to Roy, "why didn't you come tomorrow?" The small audience turned to look at each other.

"What?" Riza asked from her chair.

"Well, my birthday's tomorrow." The room erupted in face palms.

"Why didn't you say that sooner?" Ed's eyebrow twitched in irritation.

"Ha ha, fail." Alphonse spoke up.

"Well, since everyone is already here, why don't we have the party anyway? By the way, why don't I remind everyone that I worked really hard on this cake and it would be just a damned shame if we let it go to waste." Her guilt trip was working on the whole room, the room with the exception of Havoc who knew she had bought the cake. Riza eyed him the whole time, daring him to tell the truth.

"I don't mind having it today." He said with a smile. Edward could tell it was forced.

"Yeah, it's not like we were doing anything anyway." Ed's sarcastic tone drifted about. He groaned when he realized no one was paying attention to him and was lead to the couch, holding Roy's hand on the way. Honestly, he was glad everyone was acting cool about it, but the hand holding and the fact that he looked like an under aged girl made him feel awkward and a little bit defensive.

"Hey, there buddy. You having a good time yet?" Maes asked with a cheesy grin and his best effort not to show he was laughing on the inside.

"Shut up Hughes." Roy stretched and pulled Edward closer to him. Ed looked down and hid his face. He had never wanted to cry so bad in his life; embarrassment was the devil. Alphonse sat to the side of the couch no occupied and grabbed Ed's other hand.

"You could have told me you were banging Roy, you know." Al squeezed his brother's fingers. He tried to smile and be all cheery, but as the minutes passed he was just becoming more and more ticked about the two of them being together without his permission.

"Yeah, you could have given us a hint." Gracia smiled at the both of them. Edward shifted uncomfortably in his seat beside Roy. This had to be the worst possible coming out he had ever heard of, unfortunately, it had to be him. He avoided the stares from the people. There was an uncomfortable silence forming.

"Oh, lighten up you guys. We're only teasing." Havoc patted them both on the shoulder and pulled a cake cutter out of nowhere.

"Now! Let's get started! Does anyone have a lighter?" He went through his pockets and was disappointed when he didn't find one. Roy sighed and pulled a glove from his pocket. He snapped once and the cake blazed with an uncountable amount of candles.

"Now make a wish and blow out the candles." Winy retorted from the crowd.

"Do I have to?" He looked at her calmly, but the calm soon turned in to fear as Winry whipped out her wrench.

"Don't make me have to use this on you on your birthday." Her madness dripped out of her mouth and formed goose bump raising words. The whole room went icy, so Roy, unwillingly, inhaled and exhaled enough to put the flames to rest.


End file.
